Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. 
It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.
If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.
Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.
You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.
Just try to be happy. Unhappiness starts with wanting to be happier.
Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.
When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?
It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.
You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.