If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Laughter is an instant vacation.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
I'd rather be a 'could-be' if I cannot be an 'are' because a 'could-be' is a 'maybe' who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a 'has-been' than a 'might-have-been' by far; for a 'might-have-been' has never been, but a 'has' was once an 'are.
Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison-if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, "Did you miss a step?"
"No," he answers, "I hit every one of them!
I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.