Gordon Korman

Ask yourself: 'Do I feel the need to laminate?' Then teaching is for you.

I hate France. It's like the whole country's on a diet.

Don't think of it as losing a boyfriend. Think of it as gaining a stalker.

The dog always dies. Go to the library and pick out a book with an award sticker and a dog on the cover. Trust me, that dog is going down.

For someone who's smarter than a supercomputer, sometimes you're a real idiot.

No fair! Those guys ripped off what we rightfully stole!

In our family, you don't get a childhood. We're too busy trying to dominate the world.


Donald Ervin Knuth

Science is what we understand well enough to explain to a computer; art is everything else.

The best programs are written so that computing machines can perform them quickly and so that human beings can understand them clearly. A programmer is ideally an essayist who works with traditional aesthetic and literary forms as well as mathematical concepts, to communicate the way that an algorithm works and to convince a reader that the results will be correct.

An algorithm must be seen to be believed.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.

Nearly every example of faulty reasoning that has been published is accompanied by the phrase "of course" or its equivalent.


Albert Pike

What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.

We must pass through the darkness, to reach the light.

Fictions are necessary for the people, and the Truth becomes deadly to those who are not strong enough to contemplate it in all its brilliance. In fact, what can there be in common between the vile multitude and sublime wisdom? The Truth must be kept secret, and the masses need a teaching proportioned to their imperfect reason.

Let us drink together, fellows, as we did in days of yore.
And still enjoy the golden hours that Fortune has in store;
The absent friends remembered be, in all that’s sung or said,
And Love immortal consecrate the memory of the dead.



Christopher Moore

People, generally, suck.

If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.

Children see magic because they look for it.

Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.

Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....

Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

Blessed are the dumbfucks.

Love: the sickest of Irony’s sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die.

That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.


Karl R. Popper

The so-called paradox of freedom is the argument that freedom in the sense of absence of any constraining control must lead to very great restraint, since it makes the bully free to enslave the meek. The idea is, in a slightly different form, and with very different tendency, clearly expressed in Plato.

Science may be described as the art of systematic oversimplification.

No rational argument will have a rational effect on a man who does not want to adopt a rational attitude.

Whenever a theory appears to you as the only possible one, take this as a sign that you have neither understood the theory nor the problem which it was intended to solve.

True ignorance is not the absence of knowledge, but the refusal to acquire it.

No book can ever be finished. While working on it we learn just enough to find it immature the moment we turn away from it.

All life is problem solving.

Those who promise us paradise on earth never produced anything but a hell.

Our knowledge can only be finite, while our ignorance must necessarily be infinite.


Cathy Guisewite

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Each of us wages a private battle each day between the grand fantasies we have for ourselves and what actually happens.

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.

My mother had always taught me to write about my feelings instead of sharing really personal things with others, so I spent many evenings writing in my diary, eating everything in the kitchen and waiting for Mr. Wrong to call.

When you eat a carrot that is nothing but carrot it zooms through your system as a carrot. When you eat a piece of mass-produced carrot cake that contains 32 ingredients, your metabolism screeches to a halt while your body tries to figure out what all those things are that you just swallowed, and what it is supposed to do with them. Therefore, the problem isn’t “fat”, its piles of excess ingredients your body’s stacked on shelves and vowed to sort out later.


Robin Jones Gunn

I look back now and realize that the gift of a true friend is that she sees you not the way you see yourself or the way others see you. A true friend sees you for who you are and who you can become.

If you feel far from God, guess who moved?

You know what I think? I think that if a young woman doesn't engage in the act of occasionally wishing on a star or a flower or a birthday cake full of candles, then we're forfeiting one of the sweetest whimsies of our youth.

In Africa we having a saying, 'If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.' ...Before I go back home, I want you to consider us, Katie. Ponder what it would be like if we went together. Not alone and fast but together and far.

It's funny whom we end up choosing to love and who ends up choosing to love us. It's rarely the people we think it should be

When in doubt chicken out.


Thomas Fuller

It is said that the darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn.

A stumble may prevent a fall.

A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.

We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.

Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away.

It is the property of fools to be always judging.

If it were not for hopes, the heart would break.

Admiration is the daughter of ignorance.

Be a friend to thyself, and others will be so too.

All things are difficult before they are easy.


Leo Babauta

Instead of focusing on how much you can accomplish, focus on how much you can absolutely love what you’re doing

The way I define happiness is being the creator of your experience, choosing to take pleasure in what you have, right now, regardless of the circumstances, while being the best you that you can be.

The life you have left is a gift. Cherish it. Enjoy it now, to the fullest. Do what matters, now.

At the end of the day, the questions we ask of ourselves determine the type of people that we will become.

Simplicity boils down to two steps: Identify the essential. Eliminate the rest.

Stop waiting for the right person to come into your life. Be the right person to come to someone’s life.

We’re so caught up in trying to do everything, experience all the essential things, not miss out on anything important...We can’t read all the good books, watch all the good films, go to all the best cities in the world, try all the best restaurants, meet all the great people...Life is better when we don’t try to do everything. Learn to enjoy the slice of life you experience, and life turns out to be wonderful.


Eric Idle

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will make me cry by myself in a corner for hours.

At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy is to function in some way as a safety release then it must obviously deal with these taboo areas. This is part of the responsibility we accord our licensed jesters, that nothing be excused the searching light of comedy. If anything can survive the probe of humour it is clearly of value, and conversely all groups who claim immunity from laughter are claiming special privileges which should not be granted.

Know what I mean? Eh, eh, Nudge nudge, Say no more?

Always look on the brighter side of life.

The room was rococo. I had a strong sense of gilt.

Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it, life's a laugh and deat's a joke, it's true: You'll se it's all a show, keep'em laughing as you go, just remember that the last laugh is on YOU...and ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE