Tom Lehrer

All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics
And the Catholics hate the Protestants,
And the Hindus hate the Moslems,
And everybody hates the Jews.

I'd like to take you now, on wings of song as it were, and try and help you forget for a while your drab, wretched lives.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it.

In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can't say 'girl.'

It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.