Steve Martin

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper. 

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't. 

Love is a promise delivered already broken. 

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. 

The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor first because writing is what you do when you are ready and acting is what you do when someone else is ready.

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that. 

Well, excuuuuuse me! 

What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke. 

When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. 

An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be. 

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything! 

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. 

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty. 

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. 

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town. 

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot. 

I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness. 

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.