Ogden Nash II

Tonight’s December thirty-first,
Something is about to burst.
The clock is crouching, dark and small,
Like a time bomb in the hall.
Hark, it's midnight, children dear.
Duck! Here comes another year

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, 
And that's what parents were created for.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” 

Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental.

I have an idea that the phrase “weaker sex” was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm. 

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.