Ambrose Bierce

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Patience – A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.

Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.