Christopher Moore

People, generally, suck.

If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.

Children see magic because they look for it.

Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.

Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....

Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

Blessed are the dumbfucks.

Love: the sickest of Irony’s sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die.

That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.